#Trust30 Day 32 - Fault and Change

I must be myself. I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Think of all the things that are not working in your life. That job you don’t like, that relationship that’s not working, those friends that annoy you. Now turn them all on you. Imagine that everything that’s not working in your life, is your fault. How would you approach it? What would you work on to change your life to the state that you want it to be? –Carlos Miceli

If everything not working in my life were my fault, what would I do?

I would sit down and brainstorm how the hell I’m going to get things turned around. I would start by writing down a list of everything I thought was going wrong. From there, I would prioritize the list and decide which ones I should start working on first.

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#Trust30 Day 31 - Image

Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mess up your hair. If you are wearing makeup – smudge it. If you have a pair of pants that dont really fit you – put them on. Put on a top that doesn’t go with those pants. Go to your sock drawer. Pull out two socks that don’t match. Different lengths, materials, colors, elasticity.

Now two shoes. You know the drill.

Need to add more? Ties? Hair clips? Stick your gut out? I trust you to go further.

Take a picture.

Get ready to post it online.

Are you feeling dread? Excitement? Is this not the image you have of yourself? Write about the fear or the thrill that this raises in you? Who do you need to look good for and what story does it tell about you? Or why don’t you care? -Matthew Stillman

[I thought yesterday’s #Trust30 post was the last one of its kind, but now I wouldn’t be surprised to find another one in the inbox tomorrow. This might be my last one, regardless.]

Doing outrageous things to draw attention to myself, such as dressing up like a madman and posting a picture on the internet is something that I tend to avoid, probably because I like to be thought of as serious. At least that’s the image I tend to portray (I have a hidden comedian side too, but it doesn’t come out all that often). Besides, dressing up weird and posting a funny picture on the internet would make me a lot less nervous than posting a link to this*. Dressing up is much less personal to me than letting people hear me sing, especially when I can tell that I was holding something back (I do like the guitar part on the song. It took me a while to come up with all those licks).

Anyway, I understand the need to do things outside my comfort zone. I can’t remember who said it (my guess is Seth Godin), but it is good to “do something outrageous once in a while just to show yourself that you can.” It pushes you out of your comfort zone and helps you overcome your fear of looking ridiculous, a real fear that many of us have. People are often well-rewarded when they can overcome this (Lady GaGa is an example that comes to mind), so the advice is something I should follow more often.

I’m working on it.

*The HFC Theme Song was written and recorded in Boston in 2005. Thanks to @TimDowning for the help, and to all those who contributed photos (mostly my mother). 

#Trust30 Day 30- The 10-Year Text

Speak what you think now in hard words, and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict everything you said today. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Imagine your future self, i.e., you 10 years from now. If he/she were to send you a tweet or text message, 1) what would it say and 2) how would that transform your life or change something you’re doing, thinking, believing or saying today? –Tia Singh

[For anyone who doesn’t know, a text or tweet only gets 140 characters, max.]

Pssst! Do it…Get up and make a SPLASH! You'll be glad you did. #trust30 Day 30

There’s my tweet. It is a reminder that no matter what I need to do over the next 10 years, I need to jump in and do it with enthusiasm and confidence. Have fun and be bold. Let the results be what they will be—I’m going to let myself out of the box.

And once I’m out, heaven help us all…

Trust30 Day 29 – Overcoming Uncertainty

Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Write down a major life goal you have yet to achieve or even begin to take action on. For each goal, write down three uncertainties (read: fears) you have relating to each goal. Break it down further, and write down three reasons for each uncertainty. When you have three reasons for your fear, you’ll be able to start processing the change because you know where the fear stems from. Now you’ll be able to make a smaller changes that push you towards your larger goal. So begins the process of “trusting yourself. –Sean Ogle

There’s nothing I like better than being open and honest about my fears in a public forum like this (#sarcasm), but since I did agree to write on these topics, here goes...

Goal: Start a company

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#Trust30 Day 28 - Feeling alive

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind. If we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

When did you feel most alive recently? Where were you? What did you smell? What sights and sounds did you experience? Capture that moment on paper and recall that feeling. Then, when it’s time to create something, read your own words to reclaim a sense of being to motivate you to complete a task at hand.—Sam Davidson

Speaking of the task at hand, I think this #Trust30 exercise is getting out of hand. It’s beginning to interfere with my work (which is why the last couple posts have been so short). I am ready for it to be over, not because it has not been valuable, but because there are other things I want to focus on.

Have we not talked about feeling alive before? In case you missed it, read this post. Or this one.

*sigh*….With that off my chest, I’ll move on to writing.

The guitar sits in the corner, its case in plain sight, waiting for me to get done with my other work. It seems like other priorities always work their way in ahead of the music. But then, one evening, I find myself done early, with no responsibilities or obligations that can’t wait until the next day. It is a delicious opportunity. It is time to let the songs that have been reverberating inside my head all day finally go free.

I walk over to the heavy black case. The buckles pop as I flip their silver tabs upward. Folding back the top half of the case, I grasp the smooth, rosewood neck and lift the guitar gently out of its soft green bed. Raising the guitar upward, I press my face to the opening in the guitar’s flat top and inhale deeply. The sweet smell of spruce and rosewood fills my mind with visions of the shop where the guitar was carefully fashioned from freshly-milled lumber.

I start playing, slowly, some low, mellow songs to get in the mood. At first, both my fingers and my voice resist my mind’s direction, but they warm up quickly as the harmonious vibrations resonate through the hollow body of the guitar and into the room around me.

Gradually, the pace and the intensity of the songs picks up to where I am playing and singing more freely. The music starts to resonate from within me, from somewhere deep. The force of the songs continues to grow until I abandon myself to the music. Time slows down, and I forget where I am. I sing without inhibition, without fear of being heard or being judged. It is my voice, my song, my release, and nothing else.

The moments of this kind of freedom are rare, but when they come, they are renewing. They make me feel alive.

#Trust30 Day 27 – A recipe for no regrets

I do not wish to expiate, but to live. My life is for itself and not for a spectacle. I much prefer that it should be of a lower strain, so it be genuine and equal, than that it should be glittering and unsteady. I wish it to be sound and sweet, and not to need diet and bleeding. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Think about the type of person you’d NEVER want to be 5 years from now. Write out your own personal recipe to prevent this from happening and commit to following it. “Thought is the seed of action.” –Harley Schreiber

Five years from now, I don’t want to be someone who has a lot of regrets for being afraid to try things. I don’t want to be stuck inside a cubicle staring at a computer screen thinking what the hell am I doing here? I want to be able to look back and say that I had the courage to start a project and see it through to its completion, to some good ending point.

While working on these projects (you’ve already heard that one of them is to write books), I want to keep my sanity by doing things like exercising, eating right, spending time with friends and family, traveling, etc. If these things aren’t part of the next five years, I would look back with some serious regrets.

A recipe for making this happen would include learning how to be more organized. I am not great at taking the time to write out the steps that it takes to reach my goals.

The recipe would also include a healthy dose of discipline to make me as productive as possible. It might even require me to set a regular 6am (or earlier) wake-up time, unless I decide that I’d be better off working through the night.

The recipe will require me to ask for help, for someone to collaborate on projects with me. It will require me to seek advice, something I prefer to not do.

Overall, the recipe doesn’t look too complicated, so I am optimistic that there are some good times ahead and not many regrets. 

Trust30 Day 26 – A Call to Arms

The secret of fortune is joy in our hands. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

What if today, right now, no jokes at all, you were actually in charge, the boss, the Head Honcho. Write the “call to arms” note you’re sending to everyone (staff, customers, suppliers, Board) charting the path ahead for the next 12 months and the next 5 years. Now take this manifesto, print it out somewhere you can see, preferably in big letters you can read from your chair.

You’ve just written your own job description. You know what you have to do. Go! —Sasha Dichter

Dear everyone,

It’s on. Prepare yourself.

Signed,

The Boss

#Trust30 Day 25 - Overcoming false expectations

Good and bad are but names very readily transferable to that or this; the only right is what is after my constitution, the only wrong what is against it. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

We are our most potent at our most ordinary. And yet most of us discount our “ordinary” because it is, well, ordinary. Or so we believe. But my ordinary is not yours. Three things block us from putting down our clever and picking up our ordinary: false comparisons with others (I’m not as good a writer as _____), false expectations of ourselves (I should be on the NYTimes best seller list or not write at all), and false investments in a story (it’s all been written before, I shouldn’t bother). What are your false comparisons? What are your false expectations? What are your false investments in a story? List them. Each keep you from that internal knowing about which Emerson writes. Each keeps you from making your strong offer to the world. Put down your clever, and pick up your ordinary.—Patti Digh

If I were to rewrite the first sentence of this prompt, I would remove the word ordinary and in its place use the word authentic, because in this context, ordinary is far from ordinary. However, I do understand what she is saying—that we should harness the power of our uniqueness. There is absolute scarcity in the competition to be us (since there is only one) and therefore, the gifts we bring to the world carry great value.

The disease of comparing ourselves to others is a dangerous malady. It is human nature, but it can be deadly. We all do it. I am guilty. From time to time, I catch myself comparing myself to:

1. People with successful websites, who have written books or have been able to promote their online businesses better than I have.
2. My brother, who is a successful farmer. He has found exactly what he wants to do in life.
3. Other coffee authors. I often wonder about the wisdom of writing about coffee. There are many sites and many books that have been written about the industry. Why would anyone bother to read something that I write?
4. When I was at music school, I compared my guitar skills to those of my classmates and many of my professors. Those comparisons drove me out of school.
5. I compare myself to people who have thousands and thousands of “followers” on Twitter or who have built up engaged, active communities online. Those people are “successful” in social media.
6. I compare myself to entrepreneurs who have a talent and a special drive for creating businesses. They seem fearless in selling themselves or their ideas.
7. I compare myself with people who have put up websites and had remarkable success very quickly. Their stories are encouraging, but at the same time frustrating because I compare myself to them. I would prefer to find success quickly, but I am receiving the valuable lesson of perseverance.

These expectations and comparisons may be false, but they are real. The challenge is remembering they are not true.

When we are able to accept who we are, when we are comfortable in our own skin, we can just be. Not many people can  do that, but the state of mind is worth aiming for. It is what makes our “ordinary” exceptional. 

#Trust30 Day 24 - Intuition

The secret of fortune is joy in our hands. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you could picture your intuition as a person, what would he or she look like? If you sat down together for dinner, what is the first thing he or she would tell you? –Susan Piver

My intuition might be a scribe, pen in hand. Never stop writing, you will find your voice, he would say.

My intuition might be an eagle. Spread your wings, and you will soar.

My intuition could look like a younger, more-in-shape version of myself. Go for a run and then hit the weight room, you’ll feel stronger, ready to take on the world.

Perhaps my intuition looks like a wizened old man, full of wisdom beyond my years. Choose your path carefully but with enthusiasm. Life goes quickly.

My intuition might look like Batman. Drop what you’re doing and start fighting for the underdog.

Intuition might look like Kurt Russel, playing Wyatt Earp. You called down the thunder? Well now you’ve got it. Skin that smoke wagon, and get to work.

Intuition might look like Dante Alighieri, or Leo Tolstoy. Write about injustice with passion, so those who committed it will be forever remembered for their misdeeds.

My intuition might look like Frank Sinatra. You’ve got to get up on that stage and sing, man.

Most likely, though, my intuition would look like….me.  Don’t settle, don’t ever settle, he would say, your struggle will be worth it.

#Trust30 Day 23 – The Courage to Connect

Men imagine that they communicate their virtue or vice only by overt actions, and do not see that virtue or vice emit a breath every moment. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Who is one person that you’ve been dying to connect with, but just haven’t had the courage to reach out to? First, reflect on why you want to get in touch with them. Then, reach out and set up a meeting. –David Spinks

As you might have read a time or two over the last three weeks, I want to write a book about coffee in Portland (one reader pointed out that I have mentioned writing a book about fifteen times). No book about coffee in this town would be complete without the story of Stumptown, and to get that story, I need to talk to Duane Sorenson, the founder of the company. I have not yet summoned the courage to ask him for an interview, but I will. Soon.

#Trust30 Day 22 - Get excited about work

[Another #Trust30 post--To see what all of this is about, click here].

Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.” is a great line from Emerson. If there’s no enthusiasm in what you do, it won’t be remarkable and certainly won’t connect with people on an emotional basis. But, if you put that magic energy into all of your work, you can create something that touches people on a deeper level. How can you bring MORE enthusiasm into your work? What do you have to think or believe about your work to be totally excited about it? Answer it now. –Mars Dorian

When I believe the following are a part of my work, I get pretty excited about it.

1. Responsibility. And a healthy dose of it. If I am working for someone else, I want them to trust me to do the work well. Because I will.
2. Creativity. The work needs to have a creative element. If I have the opportunity to entertain people or make them laugh in the process, even better.
3. Learning. I want to always be learning new things and be challenged to grow my skills.
4. Unconventionality. The work is somehow unconventional (“you do what?”).
5. Importance. The work has a greater mission beyond getting the day-to-day work done.
6. Financially Rewarding. If it pays well, that doesn’t hurt either.

For the most part, I bring quite a bit of enthusiasm to my work. I find that I am most satisfied when I “do the work” and do not let myself procrastinate or get distracted with other things (like being sucked into the news/blog/Facebook vortex). To bring even more enthusiasm to work, I could add more stories about travel and seeing new places. That would definitely get me excited. You might have to suffer through a lot of wordy posts if I were talking about traveling all the time, but if I could make a decent living doing that, WOW!!!

What gets you excited about your work?

Trust30 Day 21 - Making decisions

[Another #Trust30 post--only nine left! For more information about them, click here].

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind. Absolve you to yourself, and you shall have the suffrage of the world. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

We live in a society of advice columns, experts and make-over shows. Without even knowing it, you can begin to believe someone knows better than you how to live your life. Someone might know a particular something better – like how to bake a three-layer molten coconut chocolate cake or how to build a website – but nobody else on the planet knows how to live your life better than you. (Although one or two people may think they do.) For today, trying asking yourself often, especially before you make a choice, “What do I know about this?” - Jen Louden

Who would know better than me how to live my life? Many people are taught that the best way to make it through life is to fit in and not stand out from the crowd. I was never taught this. Around my house, the advice was always “you need to be a leader” or “don’t let them push you into doing what everyone else is doing.” This advice was repeated many times while I was growing up and it led me to seek out my own path in life. For the most part, the strategy has worked out well.

The point all of these posts based on Emerson’s Self-Reliance is to encourage us to be more, well, self-reliant (insightful, I know). We are encouraged to trust in ourselves and our capabilities. I like the idea, though I would say that it is important to not become so self-reliant that we completely isolate ourselves from the community of people around us.

In practice, how could a person follow the advice in today’s prompt? How could you become more willing to make your own decisions? A step-by-step process might go something like this:

1. You realize that you have a decision coming up that you are going to have to make. It’s a big one, so you are scared about making the wrong choice.
2. If your first reaction is to think, “Oh, sh--. I’ve got to call R. and see what he thinks,” that could be a sign that you are too dependent on others for help with decisions. When you reach for your phone, stop! Put it down. Give yourself a day to think about it before making the call.
3. Get out a piece of paper and a pen. Write the decision down in question form, e.g., “Why should I take that job offer in another city?”
4. Write down some possible answers, plus pros and cons or whatever else comes to your mind. The act of writing is good for helping you clarify your thoughts and you will be able to revisit your initial reaction at a later time.
5. If you find it difficult to wait until the next day to ask for help, do something to take your mind off your decision. Go get some exercise. Exercise, even something as low-intensity as walking, gets the blood flowing to your brain and gives your subconscious a chance to sort things out.
6. After a day has passed, and you have sorted out your own thoughts, then it’s time to ask others what they think. They may end up trying to persuade you to do what they think is right, but at least you came into the discussion more prepared.
7. By the time you get to this point, you should have a good sense of what your decision is. Trust yourself—you’re right.

In these types of decisions, you could also ask yourself, “What don’t I know about this?” Once you determine what you don’t know, then you know what else you need to know before you can make your decision, you know?  

The whole process of fostering self-reliance is about building trust in yourself and your capabilities, and trust is not built in a single act. It is built up over time. Start making small decisions for yourself to give yourself confidence for bigger decisions. After you get used to making smaller decisions, you will have more confidence in your own abilities in the future.

When faced with a life decision, where do you seek advice? Friends, parents, spouses, Google? How do you decide when to shun the advice of others and make a decision based on what is inside you?

#Trust30 Day 20 - Speaking Less

[Another #Trust30 post...For more information about them, click here].

What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think. This rule, equally arduous in actual and in intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness. It is the harder, because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know I. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I once received a fortune cookie that read: “Speak less of your plans, you’ll get more done.” What’s one project that you’ve been sitting on and thinking about but haven’t made progress on? What’s stopping you? What would happen if you actually went for it and did it? - Laura Kimball

In addition to all of the other things I have been writing about for the #Trust30 challenge, one thing I want to do is find more readers for this blog. I have been working pretty hard to keep up on the writing, and I would like to find more people to read it. I need to create more connections with other people, and not be so afraid to promote what I am doing here

Besides trying to increase readership, I also want to change the blog’s design a little to make it more readable and useful. I have seen some pretty good blogs out there that serve as good models, and I could borrow some of their ideas.

The number one thing slowing me down right now is time management. I am writing a lot these days, and administrative things like design get pushed back. They are “important but not urgent” (another Stephen Covey reference), and I tend to work on urgent matters first.

Therefore, in honor of the prompt (“speak less”), I’m going to cut this post short and go try to get something done. Good night, and we'll see each other tomorrow.

#Trust 30 Day 19 – Facing our fears

[Another #Trust30 post...For more information about them, click here].

Greatness appeals to the future. If I can be firm enough to-day to do right, and scorn eyes, I must have done so much right before as to defend me now. Be it how it will, do right now. Always scorn appearances, and you always may. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Trusting intuition and making decisions based on it is the most important activity of the creative artist and entrepreneur. If you are facing (and fearing) a difficult life decision, ask yourself these three questions:

1) “What are the costs of inaction?” I find it can be helpful to fight fear with fear. Fears of acting are easily and immediately articulated by our “lizard brains” (thanks Seth) e.g. what if I fail? what if I look stupid? If you systematically and clearly list the main costs of inaction, they will generally overshadow your immediate fears.

2) “What kind of person do I want to be?” I’ve found this question to be extremely useful. I admire people who act bravely and decisively. I know the only way to join their ranks is to face decisions that scare me. By seeing my actions as a path to becoming something I admire, I am more likely to act and make the tough calls.

3) “In the event of failure, could I generate an alternative positive outcome?” Imagine yourself failing to an extreme. What could you learn or do in that situation to make it a positive experience? We are generally so committed to the results we seek at the outset of a task or project that we forget about all the incredible value and experience that comes from engaging the world proactively, learning, and improving our circumstances as we go along. - Dan Andrews

I can see how these questions would be useful when trying to make a big decision. They help us place our fears inside a larger perspective. Most of the time when we confront our fears, we will find that although they are real, they are also irrational.

To answer the first question, the cost of failing to act is usually going to be greater than that of acting and failing, so it is better to go for it than to sit back and let fear paralyze us. Unfortunately, this intellectual knowledge does not always translate into action.

I am just about to finish a novel titled When Nietzsche Wept, written to teach some of Nietzsche’s philosophies. One of the book’s protagonists, Josef Breuer, tells Nietzsche that in order to change a person’s behavior, he or she must be touched by something much deeper than intellectual knowledge. Nietzsche abhors the suggestion that people are persuaded by something as frivolous as emotion, but he ultimately concedes that Breuer is right. Being affected at an emotional level is necessary to spur action inside us. Why are we like this? I’m not sure. It is just how humans are. If we remember this about ourselves, we have a much better chance of overcoming our fears.

The second question is useful to help take a long-term view of our actions. It is a legacy question. Chris Guillebeau suggests that as we make decisions about what we want to do with our lives, one of the first questions should be “what do I want my legacy to be?” The kind of person we are is going to reflect on our legacy.

With tomorrow being Father's Day, the question makes me think of my father and my grandfather, both of whom have worked hard all of their lives to leave a legacy for their children and grandchildren. They have been unselfish with their time, giving much to their community and their families. Because of this, both of them are well-respected and looked up to by many, including this son/grandson.

The third question is there to remind us to be flexible as we bump along in life. We cannot be too wedded to the perfect outcome that exists in our mind, because it is so difficult to predict the future.

A friend of mine tells the story of how he once got fired from a job, and it turned out to be a great thing because he was forced to start something new. The new path led him to some great successes and he would not be where he is today if he hadn’t been fired. One of the most tired clichés in the English language is “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade,” but there is a lot of truth in it. We can’t expect to know exactly the consequences of all our decisions when we make them, so we have to be prepared to change.

When I fall on my face, one way I can “generate a positive alternative outcome” would be to share the story with others, so that they might not repeat the same mistakes I have made. Our collective knowledge is so much more complete than any one individual’s knowledge, and it would be my goal to add to this knowledge.

Together, the three questions seem like a useful way to face our fears. Hopefully, the next time I am faced with a big decision, they will help me keep my irrationality under control, because irrational fears can get out of proportion and create much more angst inside us than they should.

#Trust30 Day 18 – Dreaming (again)

[Another #Trust30 post...For more information about why I’m writing them, click here].

Abide in the simple and noble regions of thy life, obey thy heart. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Write down your top three dreams. Now write down what’s holding you back from them. –Michael Rad

A lot of these prompts seem to have similar thoughts or messages. I have tried to come up with something a little different for each one to keep them interesting. Three of my top dreams are:

Number 1 – Take an around-the-world voyage, hitting six continents on one trip

There are a few different obstacles to this one. First, it is difficult to afford this type of a trip (although I have found many good ideas to make this type of travel much more affordable through the Travel Hacking Cartel). Second, planning the trip will be a headache. It is not easy to hit six continents at one time without a good plan. Third, to be worth it, a trip like this must be at least two months (three to six months would be better) and I find it difficult to imagine taking two young kids on such an adventure. This one might have to wait a couple years.

Number 2 – Have a second home somewhere on the Mediterranean

Again, the primary obstacle for this one is financial. However, I do not need to have some huge house to be satisfied, so this might be much more affordable than it appears. I envision a small apartment, just big enough for the family, with enough space for the occasional short-term visitor. We have a friend with a small apartment in Galicia that serves as a model for this dream. It is just a regular apartment, with a couple bedrooms and a small kitchen, but it made the perfect place for some rest and recovery one time when we badly needed it. There will also be some logistical issues that make this one difficult, but when the time comes, I expect to be able to overcome them.

Number 3 – Write a book

I already discussed this one in an earlier #Trust30 post, but I will repeat it anyway. The obstacles are the following: First, I need to overcome the resistance to sit down and outline the entire book so that I know what exactly I need to write. Second, I need to make the time to write it. I am working to overcome this one by setting a more regular writing schedule. In addition, I also need to make sure that I do the important work that is not urgent (see Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People for more explanation of that concept), so I need to make sure to keep the book as a priority. It is a big commitment and I need to follow through on it.

Weekly update: Like I thought it might be, this was a difficult week for writing about coffee. I even missed the Friday coffee links page (we’ll have “late links” this week). I have a few coffee articles in the works that I need to finish, but because there was no fixed deadline for them, I pushed them back to do other tasks (like #Trust30 posts). It looks to be a busy weekend.

#Trust30 Day 17 – Head in the Clouds

A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within, more than the lustre of the firmament of bards and sages. Yet he dismisses without notice his thought, because it is his. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

My favorite quote of all time is Alan Kay: ‘In order to predict the future, you have to invent it.’ I am all about inventing the future. Decide what you want the future to be and make it happen. Because you can. Write about your future now. – Cindy Gallop

Here’s a snapshot from the future. It’s fun to dream.

I foresee a future full of many journeys and even more words. I see myself using words to paint pictures of soft summer sunsets and billowy clouds drifting lazily overhead as they resist the collective call of the people to go away(!) for the summer.

I see myself getting up at six in the morning and sauntering out to my balcony overlooking a quiet street in a seaside city. I quickly eat a light breakfast, then sit down to labor out a few thousand words before my brain needs a break. When the energy runs out, I stop, put the laptop away and take a short walk down the street to have a cup of coffee and read the paper. After an hour of relaxation, I head back to my perch on the balcony, where I would once again pick up the story. If words do not come, I take out a sheet of paper and a ballpoint pen and scribble out something—a new character, villainous and immoral, or a picturesque landscape, a place where the heroine could not help but be happy and beautiful.

With the mechanisms of creation turning out words once again, I spend several more hours developing these characters and the lives they lead. They have become dear to me, and they would be dear to others too, if only they knew them as well as I do.

They say a good length for a first novel is around 100,000 words. That sounds like a lot, but really it is very few, especially if you want people to know how much life your characters have.

I will write—and will not stop writing—until the words which have built up inside me for so many years have run out. It might not be in my lifetime, for there were many years when I watched and listened and said very little.

I will write to solidify my own thoughts and perspectives, which slowly shift like the ground over a sunken spring.

I will learn to write without using too much alliteration.

When I am tired, I will be careful not to write too much, for the words tend to ramble on without direction.

I will not be afraid to try new things, even if they might not be understood by everyone.

And I will never forget to somehow tie the end to the beginning, even when there appears to be no strong bond between the two.

Click. The shutter is closed.

Trust30 Day 13 – Surprise yourself

[Want to know more about these #Trust30 posts? Click here]

I will not hide my tastes or aversions. I will so trust that what is deep is holy, if we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Think of a time when you didn’t think you were capable of doing something, but then surprised yourself.  How will you surprise yourself this week?” –Ashley Ambirge

This question brings back a memory of a time during my sophomore year at college when I had gotten a little behind in my classes. I was still passing all of them, but was struggling to keep up with the material and assignments. It seemed like everything I did was at the last minute and all of my assignments were being finished just in time (JIT). JIT is a good system if you are a manufacturer, but not if you are a student.

I specifically remember one Sunday when I  had to write a paper that was due the next day. I hadn’t even started the research, and I remember thinking there was no way I was going to get it done. At that time, I didn’t write as much as I do now, so I was really slow. It took me forever to write anything and because I was slow, I didn’t like writing. Sitting there staring at a page was intimidating and I hated it.

If I could have, I probably would have put off working on the paper for another day, but there was no way out of it. The paper was due the next day and the teacher wasn’t taking late assignments.

Shortly after lunch, I drove my car to the library. I drove slowly, dreading the next several hours and thinking of how I would be imprisoned in the library all afternoon. To make matters worse, it was a beautiful spring day with lots of sunshine. Warm spring days were a rarity in Pullman, so it was doubly depressing to be headed for the library. There was no way around it though, so into the library I went.

The paper came together gradually, but it wasn’t easy. Around midnight, I went to the computer lab to type the paper. I was nearly finished at 1:00am when my computer froze. My heart did too. Oh, no. I didn’t have it backed up on a disk either. I buried my face in my hands. All of that work—down the drain. A tangle of nausea grew inside my stomach. I was already exhausted and ready to go home and get some sleep. The deep sense of dread grew stronger as I hit the reset button on the machine.

Miraculously (and I mean miraculously), when the computer restarted, my paper reappeared too. It was just sitting on the screen as if nothing had happened. If you had been watching me, you probably would have seen a look of complete disbelief pass over my face before tears of joy filled my eyes. Talk about relief!

I quickly backed the file up, not wanting a repeat of the heart-stopping drama. Half an hour later, I finished the last few edits and printed it out. It wasn’t the best paper in the history of my time at Washington State, but in my mind, it was certainly one of the most memorable. Although the incident did not help me break away from my JIT system, I did come away with a new confidence that I could pull together something at the last minute if I had to, which was a pretty good lesson to learn.

[This week, with visitors coming into town for a few days, I’m going to surprise myself if I get three good articles written for the blog in addition to these #Trust30 posts. Check back to see how it goes.] 

#Trust30 - Day 8 - A look back

[To find out why I am writing all these #Trust30 posts, click here]

The prompt:

What would you say to the person you were five years ago? What will you say to the person you’ll be in five years? - Corbett Barr

Before I start answering, could I talk to the person from 10 or 15 years ago too?

I try to not look back on things too much, because looking back like that can fill your mind with too many ifs, as in “if only I had….” You can see all of the mistakes you made and what you could have done differently. Five years ago, I was living in Boston, trying to figure out my new job requirements at Starbucks. It was the first time I had worked in customer service, and it opened my eyes about service jobs. Fortunately, I had a great group of people to work with and it was a great experience (everyone should have to work in food service at some point in their lives. It would give us all a lesson on how to treat others. For the most part, the customers were great, but there were those who—to be nice—weren’t. They had forgotten that baristas (or waiters, waitresses, bartenders, etc.) are there to serve them, not be their servants. It is a huge difference).

There are definitely a few things I would say to that me. I would tell that other self that when life throws you a curve, don’t panic. Don’t get in any rush to change what you are doing. You can figure it out. Go after your dreams with everything you have and ask others for help when you need it, because people are willing to help you, if they know you want it. If you don’t ask, they won’t know.

And to the person I am in five years:

I persevered, and succeeded.

[Question: Do you think it is valuable to look back at your life in this way? Does it help you figure out where you are going today?]

#Trust30-Day 6

Today’s prompt, from Jonathan Mead:

If you had one week left to live, would you still be doing what you’re doing now? In what areas of your life are you preparing to live? Take them off your To Do list and add them to a To Stop list. Resolve to only do what makes you come alive.

Bonus: How can your goals improve the present and not keep you in a perpetual “always something better” spiral?

Another “time is short” prompt…Hopefully, we’ll get a little more variety this week. These type of questions do give you an opportunity to reflect, but I’m ready for a change in topic.

To answer the first question—no. Of course I would do something different. Wouldn’t everyone, really?

If I knew I was dying in seven days, I would spend the whole week writing every lesson I have learned about life down along with every bit of advice I could think of to give to my kids. They could take it or leave it, but at least someday they would be able to see what their dad might think about some situation that came up. Other than that I would just spend the last week saying goodbye to friends and family.

The second question is unclear. I’m skipping it. If I figure out what it means, perhaps I’ll revisit it later.

For the bonus question:

Goals, if they align with what you like to do, will help you direct your energies each day. If you work daily towards reaching those goals, just putting in the work will improve the present. It is the process of work that is important. You can feel better just by knowing that you dedicated yourself to your craft for that day.

[For an overview of what #Trust30 is, click here]

#Trust30 Day 3

[For an overview of what #Trust30 is, click here]

The prompt for day 3:

“The world is powered by passionate people, powerful ideas, and fearless action. What’s one strong belief you possess that isn’t shared by your closest friends or family? What inspires this belief, and what have you done to actively live it?” – Buster Benson

Yikes. Now we’re getting personal. Who was it again that accepted this challenge? Oh, yeah, that was me. By nature, I’m a private person—so these questions are pushing me a little beyond my comfort zone. On the other hand, I have written a quite a few personal stories on the blog over the last ten months, so maybe the vision I have of myself is a little outdated. Besides, sharing yourself with other people is what makes life worth it, right?

Just so you know, Resistance (from The War of Art) is winning today. The whole day has been a struggle to be optimistic, to feel good and to get anything done. This post is no different. Now, where should I start?

[Pause…]

After some thought, I think I have a topic. I considered writing about several different topics—legalizing drugs, immigration reform, the role of the US in the world, gay marriage—these are all topics where I differ from a lot of my friends, but I haven’t done much to actively try to change the world or other people’s opinions and attitudes about them.  I haven’t ‘actively lived’ them, so to speak. Finally, this is what I came up with:

Certainty and security do not substitute for experiencing life.

People, in general, like to take the “safe” route in life. They want to work for a good company, go to their jobs every day and be paid a nice salary that keeps a roof over their heads. They are looking for a comfortable life.  This can be a great way to go through life (assuming you don’t get caught up in a Great Recession and thrown out of your job, like so many have been over the last few years), and there are definitely times when I look at others’ lives and think I should try to do the same thing.

Usually, though, the thought of taking the safe route is disheartening. You put in your time as a cog in a corporate machine, wasting away and paying for someone else’s dream. I imagine getting on the phone with a supplier in China and trying to bargain over two cents on 50 different cables for some product that people don’t need in the first place and I think to myself, “should I settle for a life like that? Is that all I was meant to do in life?” The answer invariably comes back a resounding no.

You might ask, what I am doing to avoid that type of life? How am I going to put food on the table for myself and my family? That’s a difficult question and I’m still trying to figure out exactly what the answer is.

I will say, though, that I started this blog because I think there is something better out there. I am writing daily, to build my skills as an interviewer and storyteller, to learn as much as I can about the world and share it with others. I write and I write and I write, because at some point, the work is going to pay off. On many levels, it already has. I may not have the certainty and security in my life as I would have at a traditional job, but I have some great experiences to reflect on that I would not change for the world. And that, dear reader, is what I am doing to ‘live it.’

[Wow. I don’t know if that makes any sense or not, but I’m shipping it just the same. With a pounding head and a burning throat, I bid you good night.]